


In which things do not go according to plan

by myfineasymptote



Series: Mfa's Many Tumblr Misadventures [4]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Comedy, Full ghoul Kaneki, M/M, Oneshot!Kaneki, ghoul kaneki, oblivious!Hide, why not round out the set
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-03
Updated: 2015-06-03
Packaged: 2018-04-02 18:22:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4069939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myfineasymptote/pseuds/myfineasymptote
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So you know how in canonverse Hide has an extraordinary intuition? Well I wrote a drabble where the opposite is true. And then he meets oneshot!Kaneki. And Kaneki tries to eat him. (Much sillier than it sounds)</p>
            </blockquote>





	In which things do not go according to plan

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Untitled](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/121497) by TheatricalPlacenta. 



> This took AGES to finish. SO sorry.

Hide closes his textbook with a sigh. He is  _so_  going to fail that test tomorrow. It’s not his fault modern literature is so boring! It’s just a bunch of authors pretentiously trying to be “deep” by writing about sad, boring stuff. Just because a book is action-y and entertaining doesn’t mean it’s without merit! 

Alas, he and his professor will just have to agree to disagree. Or rather, Hide’s grades will disagree with Hide’s parents and they will force him to agree with his professor. With another heavy sigh, Hide slumps forward onto his textbook. Hide needs a break. Something other than these boring people who just make him long for the beautiful day outside. Speaking of which…

Hide sits up and cranes his neck at an ( actually, uncomfortable) angle, hoping to see- there he is!

The dark-eyed beauty is in the same spot as always, sitting on a bench opposite the library and reading. Beams of light filter down through the leaves and onto his perfect, gently smiling face.

 _God_ , Hide has it bad for this guy. One of these days, Hide is just going to run up and kiss all over his stupid perfect face. And one of these days (most likely the same day as  _that_  happening), Hide is going to get his poor gay little ass kicked and pounded into the pavement by that guy’s friends; and not in a good way.

“Oh well,” Hide whispers, reluctantly tearing his eyes from stupid-perfect-gorgeous, “guess I should just head home. It’s not like studying is going to help much anyway.”

Packing up his books, notes, and pencils, Hide ponders exactly who Marty McSupaFine could possibly be. He looks to be about Hide’s age (although Hide knows all too well that that means nothing), and he seems to go to Kamii (Hide could swear that he’s seen him in the university cafe before), but Hide has not once had a class with him.

Walking out of the library, Hide tried not to seem to self-conscious. Just be cool, and relax. Just don’t - fuck, who put that rock there?!

Hide stumbled, recovered, risked a side glance to see if he’d been noticed- and locked eyes with absolute perfection.

_Goddammit…_

_“_ Um, are you … okay?”

_Oh shit gorgeous is talking to you act natural act natural_

_“_ I’m fin-kay! Fine! Okay! I’ll… Just be…” Hide is fully prepared to slink away and hide in shame for the rest of forever at 98 degrees’ giggle, but a glance at the cover of his book makes Hide do a spit take.

“That book you’re reading- Is that  _The Black Goat’s Egg_  by Takatsuki Sen?” 2 Hot 2 Fabulous looks surprised at the question.

“Yeah, she’s my favorite author! This is my favorite of her books.”

Hide could kiss his professor right now. “We’re studying some of her works in my Modern Lit class. My professor keeps writing them off as ‘the literary equivalent of snuff films’ but I say just because something is entertaining doesn’t mean it has no value!”

McGorgeous gives Hide the most breath-taking smile. “And for that matter, the themes in  _The Black Goat’s Egg_  are a lot more complex than most people realize. For instance, did you notice that…”

For all that he drooled over hottie with a body’s looks, Hide found as the conversation went on that his mind was one he could fall in love with. The conversations between them was fast and easy, and after what felt like a few minutes Hide glanced at his watch to see that, to his amazement, they had been sitting there for two hours.

“… And that’s why I prefer  _Star Wars_  to  _Star Trek_ , but honestly, if somebody asked me to marathon either one my answer would be heck, yes!”

“Would you like to get tea with me?” Hide blurted, praying that the heat rushing to his face was just his imagination.

“I- what? Err, it’s almost nine, so I’m pretty sure all the tea shops are closed…”

“I didn’t mean right now!” Oh man, Hide’s face felt like it was on fire. “We could go later today, or tomorrow, or … you know, whenever you’re free…”

Another gorgeous smile lights up his face. “I’m free right now, and I know a place we can go, umm…”

“Hide! Well, Hideyoshi Nagachika but everyone calls me Hide.”

“Kaneki Ken. It’s really nice to meet you. And I do know of-”

God, even his  _name_  sounds gorgeous, Hide lamented inwardly. And he’s so sweet, and cute and funny. That’s gonna make it all the harder when he finds out about my big fat crush. I mean, there’s no way he could be thinking of this as a-

“- date, if you want to.” Kaneki blushes lightly and Hide suddenly feels like he understands nothing.

“Sorry, what?”

Kaneki laughs nervously, gives him a sheepish look, and begins to walk away. “Never mind, it was just a joke. Let’s go!” 

“… What was the joke?”

Ten minutes later, Kaneki comes to a stop outside a cute little coffee shop.

“Anteiku?” Hide reads aloud.

“Yeah, like I said earlier, it’s nothing fancy…” Kaneki looks away and shrugs.

Well, that reaction just would not do. Hide blurts out a quick, “I love coffee,” and with a burst of courage, grabs Kaneki by the wrist and drags him inside.

“You’re back,” says a bored looking girl sweeping the floor.

“Hi, Touka,” Kaneki says dryly. Kaneki pulls his hand away from Hide- which stings a little more than Hide would care to admit- and threads their fingers together, which stings in an entirely different way.

Hide is almost too busy inwardly exploding from happiness to order, but after several prompts from “Touka” Hide manages to tear his (probably obviously) besotted smile from Kaneki’s face to order a half and half coffee.

Kaneki leads them to a table (still holding hands! And not looking at all grossed out by that fact! Hide can not express that enough!) and Hide quickly loses track of time again during their conversation. He doesn’t even notice their coffee being delivered, or remember drinking it, but at some point he finds himself twirling the empty paper cup to avoid staring to long. 

They leave just before the shop closes- “Touka can and will kick us out,” “I think I can take her!” “Just… Just don’t try it. Let’s just go.”- and before long are left standing at a corner together, awkwardly silent.

“So,” Kaneki began, just as Hide started a, “Well…”

Both stopped, and gestured for the other to continue.

Kaneki went for it. “Where are you headed?”

“I live just a couple blocks east of here.”

“Oh! I’m headed that way too!” 

Hide gave a small smile, and felt his heart flutter girlishly and when he received one in turn. “Well then, why don’t we walk together?”

They spend the walk mostly in silence. Hide tries to ignore the way his heart pounds every time their hands brush each other.

He wants so desperately to grab it, but two men walking and holding hands at night… Probably not the wisest decision. Especially not when Kaneki keeps leading them down all these dark alleyways like this.

Just a block from Hide’s house, in an alley that Hide had never walked down at night, Kaneki stops.

After a few more steps, Hide stops and turns to look back at him. “Oh, did we miss your street? We can go ba-”

Suddenly, Kaneki is right in front of him, staring with the blood red eyes of a ghoul. “Just a  _taste_ , Hide,” he hisses, leaning in closer to lick along his cheek-

When Hide punches him in the face. He stumbles backwards and Hide rubs his hand. “ _Jesus_ , Kaneki! You gave me a fucking heart attack! And that costume is in incredibly poor taste!”

“ _Costume?”_ Kaneki says, affronted. “It’s not a-”

“People have  _died_ , Kaneki. It’s really rude to do that sort of thing. Although it does look pretty cool. Where did you buy those contacts?”

“I- “

“Oh! Wait! Is this one of those, you know,” Hide gestures unhelpfully.

“You know…?” Kaneki prompts. He has the weirdest expression on his face. Still better than crying, which is what the last guy who Hide punched did. Hide silently thanks his Dad for dragging him to all those years of martial arts classes. Otherwise, he could get in big trouble one of these days.

“You know,” Hide makes another equally vague gesture. “Bedroom things.”

“A… A fetish?” Kaneki says incredulously.

“What? No. Why would I be talking about magic objects?  _Bedroom activities_. Whatever, I’ll look it up later. And if you  _do_  have a thing for that sort of stuff,” Hide winks exaggeratedly. “I could probably be persuaded to play along. Once we get to know each other. And in private. See you later, Kaneki! Call me!”

With those last words of parting, Hide turns to continue down the alley and head home. 

If his hearing were better, he would have heard a quiet, “What the fuck just happened.” 

**Author's Note:**

> See [the picture ](http://theatricalplacenta.tumblr.com/post/120199650388/so-aside-from-starfighter-im-totally-in-to-tokyo)that inspired this work! (Seriously, go look, it is friggin' gorgeous)  
> And her AO3 accoun


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